Thinking Out Loud
by fill-in-the-blank-here
Summary: Passers-by glanced curiously at him- an odd man who sat willingly in the rain with just an old umbrella for cover. But for today at least, Sakata Gintoki couldn't care less about what strangers thought of him. [Based off chapter 551. HijiGinHiji friendship/romance/up to personal interpretation]


The pale grey clouds that blotted out much of Edo's sky mirrored the man's sombre mood. Passers-by glanced curiously at him- an odd man who sat willingly in the rain with just an old umbrella for cover. But for today at least, Sakata Gintoki could care less about what strangers thought of him.

Tch. The Mayonnaise bastard was late. _And he was the one who reminded him to be punctual in the first place!_ Gintoki ranted inwardly- he knew it, the now ex-police officer had just been another inefficient government mutt after all.

He let out a small sigh, out of frustration, yet also relief. If he were honest, he was comforted by the fact that he had a bit more time to decide what to say to that man. Hijikata Toushiro, the vice commander of the Shinsengumi, had taken him by surprise earlier by personally asking him out to dinner. While they had had several unfortunate encounters at diners, bars, the cinema or even in public baths before, this was certainly the first arranged meet up between them.

There was something between him and the Shinsengumi's demonic vice captain.

There had always been something, since the very beginning where he allowed Hijikata to swing his katana into his shoulder. It had left a scar. Since that encounter, they had grown from being enemies to acquaintances, to comrades who could entrust their backs to each other in battle. They became nakamas, like what those snot nosed brats raved about in JUMP. But unlike One Park or Gintaman, the bond between him and that man went further than simply being comrades. Hah- those 'nakamas' were basic compared to the ordeals they had been through together. _Did Ruffi and Horo ever have to defecate into a squat toilet while handcuffed together? Did Bichigo and Lukia swap bodies for a week and literally live their life's in the other's shoes?_ No, Gintoki was sure they were the only ones unfortunate enough.

The clash with Mimawarigumi earlier that year was the true turning point in their relationship. Learning about Hijikata's turbulent past only confirmed what Gintoki had sensed a long time ago. Despite how differently they carried themselves, the two men were simply two faces of the same coin. He had been elated at the revelation, though Hijikata didn't yet understand, which frustrated Gintoki to no ends. _Gintoki had become desperate._ Desperate for the man to acknowledge him as his counterpart. Desperate for someone who instinctively understood everything. So desperate that he eventually let slip of his own history as the notorious Shiroyasha.

That did the trick.

Since then, Gintoki could no longer deny the feeling of mutual empathy and connection they shared. If he was right about that, he knew it was the same for Hijikata. They might have physically repelled each other like the same poles of a magnet, but deep down both yearned for the one who could understand them like no other. The change was subtle, but definitive- just like the two men when it came to expressing their innermost self. For instance, Gintoki found himself favouring a different bar. It was further from home, more upscale than he preferred, and just so happened to be on Hijikata's route back after his daily night patrol. It took three days for Hijikata to spot him there. On the fourth night he entered the establishment, sat next to Gintoki, and ordered several rounds of sake for both to share. The night ended with barely any words exchanged between the two, though both somehow knew they would be meeting here again tomorrow, the day after, and many days after.

These nights out were quickly caught on by Kagura, who nagged Gintoki like a housewife thrice her actual age (" _Pattsuan, Gin-chan has been meeting shady women late at night. His clothes reek of their cigarettes too- what is mami going to do with such an indecent son aru"_ ), which typically ended when Shinpachi turned into a convenient target for both her and Gintoki to ridicule.

On some days, Gintoki could swear he spotted the handsome vice commander amongst the crowd more and more often. He briefly wondered if it was his imagination playing tricks on him, or if the man had intentionally come his way to sneak a glimpse. But the new chapter of Buriichi was more interesting than whatever ambiguous relationship he was forming, and Gintoki quickly delved back into his fantasy land of JUMP.

Yet just as their lives had settled into this new routine, Edo was torn apart by the assassination of the shogun. The Shinsengumi was to disband, and their commander, Kondo was to be executed. The uncanny sense of déjà vu that struck Gintoki chilled him to his very bones, and he was determined to protect Hijikata from repeating the errors he had made in this younger days. Facing the man whose spirit had been shattered, Gintoki bared his most vulnerable memories of Shoyou sensei, and revealed the most bitter of his regrets that no one else had known about. _Because he was Hijikata, the man who would understand, and the man whom he understood._

As much as he pretended to be one, Sakata Gintoki was not a simpleton. He foresaw the uncertain path he had instigated Hijikata to lead the Shinsengumi onto, as well as the consequences of Yorozuya's involvement in the affair. Yet if given one or even a hundred chances to re-do everything, he would have done the same. After all, he was a man who already lived with too many regrets. He could never live with watching history repeat itself on the man who was so tragically similar to him. The inevitable departure of the Shinsengumi from the streets of Edo- the separation of him and that man, he had braced himself for it all.

 _So why did it hurt so much to know that this was goodbye?_ What right had he to feel this way? Hijikata and him, they were simply two men who had found solace in knowing that the other existed somewhere in this universe. It had been foolish of him to expect their current routine to be permanent. At that thought, Gintoki felt a surge of sadness threatening to erupt from his core, only to push it back down. He was a man who had gone through too much to be fazed emotionally. All that one could have observed from the outside would have been a wistful, lopsided smile that graced the man's otherwise nonchalant face.

He was getting wet, and shivered as the wind picked up. That government dog had better arrive in the next 5 minutes. He wasn't going to sit here for the rest of the evening waiting for him.

 _He could though, if he really wanted to_.

He'd decide later.

* * *

Meanwhile, a raven haired man with fierce blue eyes made haste. Hijikata hated being late, but being vice commander meant settling frustrating yet essential documents conveniently left undone by his (irresponsible) commander Kondo-san. He couldn't believe how much paperwork there had been to do. Even if they were now technically a group of government defects.

Rapid footsteps landed in tiny pools of water as he ran across the street, disregarding the dampening edges of his yukata.

 ** _-splash, splash, Splash, Splash, Splash, SPLASH, SPLASH, SPLASH, SPLASH, splash, splish-_**

Gintoki instantly recognised the sound of Hijikata's footsteps. He froze. In that instant, he suddenly wished that the man would choose to walk past him without ever looking back. As painful as it would be, perhaps if they both ignored what it was between them, it would all be so much easier.

But the sounds came to a stop, and he could soon feel the man's penetrating glance on his back. Even through the umbrella, damn it.

The man was waiting for him. Gintoki heard the crackle of the cigarette lighter, and the bitter smell of those cancer sticks wafted over soon after. _Hijikata, he was nervous as well._ Geez, there was no helping it, was there? It was his last chance. _It wa_ s their last chance.

"Oogushi-kun, didn't your mother teach you that keeping your word is a virtue? She must be so upset."

Despite the chiding tone, forgiving red eyes turned to meet the other man's apologetic glance with a smile. They had a long night ahead of them, and neither man was ready to give anything up.

* * *

-WAIT, DON'T LEAVE YET!-

Hello dear reader! Thank you for your time and attention :) This is the first fanfiction I've written myself, so I would really really appreciate any feedback that you have to offer. I'm a huge fan of Gintama, and love the HijiGinHiji ship with a passion. Chapter 551 basically killed me (Was it angst? Or happiness over Sorachi's blatant shipping of them two? I'm not quite sure.) so I HAD TO write something! This entire story was honestly inspired by that one panel with Gintoki looking over his shoulder under the umbrella. I have ideas for another story/chapter that covers their last meal and drink together, but I shan't make any empty promises haha.

Still here? /throws cookies at you/


End file.
